Why waiting is a blessing (and I'm not even kidding!)

The center where I will be working

My future computer classroom!

 This week, I got to see pictures from my future home and it made me feel so excited, frustrated, and guilty! Obviously I'm excited to go and begin to learn from and with the church and specific youth I'll be working with. Also, pretty obvious why I'm frustrated, since I'm still here when I would gladly have left two months ago given my own preferences.  And the guilty part is the persistent feeling of ineffectiveness while I sit here, feeling unproductive and like a bit of a burden to those supporting me.  It completely stinks, and yet I have realized that I am so tremendously blessed. So I'll tell you a bit more about what I have been doing, and then I'll explain myself about that previous statement.

Going to Pinot's Pallet with the youth

So I volunteered to be an "adult" for the youth group outing to a local studio that sets you up with materials and instruction on how to paint a canvas work of art.  I loved spending the afternoon with the youth, especially since I miss spending time with them every week, and I was excited to try this.  I have never before done any real artistic painting since, like, elementary school, and never tried anything on canvas.  In fact, the majority of my painting over the last 12 or so years has been painting houses more than anything artistic.  With our family's moves, plus numerous mission trips, my painting tools are more of a bucket and roller than a brush on canvas, and the hardest part of home painting is getting everything taped properly anyway.
So it turns out I really liked this.  Maybe I'll have to do it more!
And I'm proud to say I didn't have to "cheat"! I was, with a bit of practice, able to learn how to do the design and hand lettering all by myself.  So this is something I can definitely work on and learn to improve my skill and repertoire on for future projects.

A great time with a great group!

All Done!

 I have also, in my vast amounts of free time, have taken on a few routines I had always been putting off until I was less busy.  I now have plenty of time to focus on my continuing weight loss journey, with gym workouts and meal planning and preparation to keep me on track.  This month I was even recognized by my gym!

Yep, that says -53 pounds!

Now that there is less on my plate, both figuratively and literally, I have found that I have no excuse for not choosing and building habits that will benefit me even after my life picks up speed again.

This includes spending more time practicing my Portuguese lessons (I'm aiming for 50% fluency according to DuoLingo by the time I leave, and I'm at 46% now, so...), and engaging in concerted study of the bible by embracing the Lectionary readings every day.

Thank goodness that for both those things, there are phone apps with reminders.  Yep, my phone reminds me to read the bible every day and even collates the prescribed readings from the daily Episcopal lectionary so I don't have to pull out multiple things to track it all down, I just hit next! So now there are no excuses! Yay technology!

Piña Colada cupcakes for a friend's birthday

Being around longer has also allowed me to be present for other events I had expected to miss.  I've been able to spend more time with family, speak at the Annual convention for the Diocese of Southwest Florida about YASC, attend birthday celebrations, and support some of my youth at their school concerts and events.  It's sometimes hard to remember when I feel like I'd rather be in Brazil, but these things, these chances, they truly matter to me and to others.  I read something the other day that talked about how, more often than not, the people remembered for being most supportive are not the ones who cheer at major awards and events, but those who simply show up when they say they will, even if they're inconvenienced, and keep their word to show others that they are worth more to me than having an "easy" life.  Sounds like a good goal to me.

Even with this super high resolution image, you still can't see how badly I was shaking. Yay podiums!

I totally felt like the least qualified,
youngest, and tallest speaker...
(but only because I "cheated" and wore heels)

I've also realized lately that I have chosen to let myself be inordinately inconvenienced by this experience of waiting.  I've realized that I'm getting a bit whiny, and if I've noticed it in myself, I'm sure it has bothered the heck out of others already as well.  Not good.  I don't like the behavior I've allowed in myself, and while most folks I talk to seem to think my dissatisfaction is justified (especially if I compare it to those other YASCers who have already long since gone to their placements), in the grand scheme of things, I feel I have been acting a bit spoiled.  Likely because, in so very many ways, I am (or you can call it blessed, whatever, bottom line: super lucky, even with all this).

For anyone out there who is not well versed in international visa policy and specifically Brazil's, the primary reason this takes so long and is so difficult is because Brazil operates on a strict policy of reciprocity.  Basically, I'm from the US, so Brazil requires of me exactly what the US requires of Brazilians hoping to get to the United States.  This is why the paperwork required is so detailed and precise, why the fees total hundreds of US$ and why there are no shortcuts or exceptions.  Yeah, my wait sucks, but the reality is that it is the exact same burden placed on the other millions of people who have ever wanted to come to the US (and only temporarily, not for anything progressing toward citizenship!)

So I'm literally fighting the same internal and external battles as countless others before and to follow me.  But here's the true kicker, and why I'm choosing to attempt contentment in the waiting:

• I don't really have any major language barriers using websites or in talking to consulates since I'm an English speaker.  This is not the case for many seeking to come to the US
• I am not running from anything.  I'm not fleeing abuse, war, famine, assault, or any other terrifying reality that many people know all too well.
• I'm not trying to also take care of my own family.  I have no kids, no spouse, no dependents, not even a pet rock.  My family members are all in safe and profitable situations and no one expects me to start working hard to send money back home in order to get them to join me or just to help them survive.
• I know I have living arrangements, assistance, a community, and a job waiting for me on the other end of my trip. People there (and I already know they are awesome!) have already worked so much on getting ready for me and helping me adapt.  And they realize and are sympathetic to the fact that my adaptation will take a little time.  I've rarely seen this same courtesy extended to immigrating students or workers.  It seems to be an expectation that they be "useful" the very minute they arrive.
• I have the luxury of waiting in safety.  I'm not gonna lie and say the waiting is fun, and my savings has definitely taken a hit since I am no longer working.  But the bottom line is that I am fully supported by my family and community.  I am in no risk of being homeless or even in temporary housing.  I will run no chance of starvation or be unable to access medical care or prescriptions.  I will not be forced to do anything I don't want to, just to survive. Heck, I don't even have to worry about losing access to Netflix!

So at the end of each day of slight frustration and boredom, I can honestly see that this type of waiting will not nearly be hurtful or dangerous to me. It has already helped teach me, and I'm sure it will not be the last lesson I learn from this process.

This video was the theme at the recent Cursillo my mom attended as a pilgrim.  For not attending the weekend, I sure have heard it an awful lot lately (*hint, hint, hint*)

And here's the thing that keeps getting me: Duh, I plan to follow all the way to another hemisphere.  BUT: I have recently been so caught up in myself and my process that I forgot to KEEP being led right here and now.  Because following is not about achieving physical distance to make it monumental.  A follower to be remembered does not need to go to the edges of the globe.  In the following, it's not distance through space that is remembered, but through time.  Even in my beloved Doctor Who, no one is truly shocked when they learn it's a spaceship.  It's when he tells them it's also a time machine that minds are blown.

So I don't want to "amaze" people with the fact that I'm going to serve in Brazil.  I want to be able to say that I started serving God's people through my church food bank when I was 5, and there's no way I'm ever gonna stop any time soon.