I met Presiding Bishop Curry, but I'm not going to use the term "Jesus Movement"

Hello there, everyone! I'm sorry that the title is a little bit click-bait-y (where articles on social media use titles that nearly force you to open them to read more, even for really simple things). It is both true and also misleading, but I'm not actually going to directly continue to answer the obvious questions that you might be thinking right away. This is, in part, because the answer required a bit of set up to explain, and, primarily, because I really don't have too many ways to try and keep you interested except to try things like this and hold the resolve until the end. But I will tell you right now, I'll also be putting stuff at the end just so you can't immediately skip down to get an easy answer.  *insert evil laugh here* mwahahahaha

Back in the middle of May I was in the midst of my health struggle, but had been asked to attend the Global Episcopal Mission Network (GEMN) conference held in Ponce, Puerto Rico.  I had accepted many weeks prior, before the health complications set in, and the air faire, hotel, and fees had already been paid for by not me.  I had been hoping for a diagnosis and treatment option that would allow me to go back to work and also to this conference.  That didn't work out. I spoke with my doctor about my chances of being able to manage going.  She seemed to think that being with friends from back home (other YASCers that had been friends since we met "way back" in February the year before, and for many of whom this would be the last time our paths were guaranteed to cross since my departure date was so much later with the visa wait time), being able to relax, and participating in activities and sessions that covered topics I was interested in and excited about all meant that going *might* reduce some pain, but also that not going would probably have me dealing with that same (or even worse from guilt of cancelling all that last minute on someone else's dime) pain here.  Stay and hurt, or go and maybe hurt.  I went. And it did hurt still, because for whatever reason, a 7 hour redeye flight does not magically heal a mysterious illness. Go figure.  But while my body was still less than thrilled at existing, I was able to learn a whole lot, met some great new and "like new" people (ie other missionaries that I'd only ever known through a computer...missionary friendships are strange but wonderful), and get some feedback and support that I had no idea I needed before I got there.

Here's the video of the keynote speech given by Bishop Curry the first day of the conference.  If you have been seeing my blog because you are an email subscriber, sorry but you're gonna have to use the real thing if you want to see videos.  Also, it is absolutely worth the duration, but if you wanna save a smidge of time, you can start at the 2 minute mark.



(Also, I'd like to say a big thanks to all those across the many videos of this Bishop that I have watched, to whatever poor soul was responsible for micing and filming a man who just can't hold still. Thanks for trying!)

So, against what the title of this blog post might have you think, I have zero issues with the way Bishop Curry uses his term "Jesus Movement" and I am usually quite happy that it resonates and inspires so very many people in the Episcopal Church.  I can honestly tell you that being in the room as he speaks is a vastly different experience to watching videos of the same speech.  I could feel the movement and inspiration of the spirit quite palpably.  My issue occurs in watching folk who are inspired and excited by Bishop Curry to rejoin the Jesus Movement by...going back to church.  Getting back to a former status quo is, bottom line, missing the point.  In my, rather insignificant, opinion, going back to a system or group that fell into disrepair isn't a part of the Jesus Movement.  The ever so coveted metric of "butts in pews" has no place in the Jesus Movement. Because once a butt is in a pew, it's not actually moving any more.  Pretty much zero movement.

Meanwhile, the secular world isn't stopping.  I grew up hearing about New York as "the city that never sleeps" and when my family moved to New Jersey and I got to go to this most famous city, I learned why that was so different. (Side note, between music, feral dogs, and my neighbor's rooster, I have a trove of proof that skyscrapers are absolutely not necessary to create a living environment where sleeping at night is often still problematic...just sayin) However, now there is much less reference to that element of the city.  Instead, I see news articles go viral about how the work life of the average employee is now not tied to a clock, or even always to a singular time zone.  There are a digital mountain of resources about etiquette for when it is or isn't appropriate to answer your work phone or send or return emails.  Because 3 am is no longer off limits, and your vacation is not some sacred time to escape with loved ones.  And yet, we seem to expect that, in this very real scenario, going 2 times a week for 4 or less hours each is a sufficient allotment to going to church.

I'll give you another interesting note here.  In my learnings here in Brazil, one of the first things I was shown, actually on my way to the house from the airport on landing day, was as the car passed the site of the first church constructed in Brasilia (since it was a completely planned city, this is less about first congregation and more about what they got around to building first, I think) and was pointed out as significant because the 2nd was the Anglican cathedral.  Here's the actual interesting part: in the translation, the word that was used to reference the church was "temple".  At least here, as I have yet to experience even a small portion of this gigantic country, the Portuguese word "templo" is always used to denote the building that is a house of worship, regardless of religion or denomination.  The term "igreja" is used to denote the group of people that make up the church.  So one week, church will be in the temple, but other times the church is in the park for a service and churrasco (Brazilian barbecue).  The language already easily accommodates the idea of the Jesus Movement here in Brazil, because the "igreja" is easily found on the move, even though the temple has a fixed address.

So I'm hoping you've caught my drift as why I'm hesitant to describe myself or a congregation as easily taking on or buying into the Jesus Movement.  Sometimes I'm just too stuck for that.

After that speech by Bishop Curry, conference participants were split into smaller discussion groups of around 15 people to discuss, pray, and share experiences.  I won't tell you the whole recap of my first discussion group, since unlike that room in the video, this computer certainly does have a clock reminding me how long this blog post is taking.   In the course of the group discussion however, I came up with (ok, that's a lie.  I always try to focus pre, mid, and post these types of events specifically to be open to receiving spiritual whispers, so I came up with nothing. I just said it cause I'm the one the Holy Spirit gave the words to in that moment) a synonymous phrase for the Jesus Movement.  So here's some linguistic math in equivalencies (which is way more fun to tout than "synonyms")

Movement = Action (duh?)
Jesus = Love (also, duh or all my Sunday school teachers and catchy VBS songs are total liars.  But they're not, so it's true)

So, for me, to be a part of the Jesus Movement means I must consciously commit myself to the practice of searching for and carrying out opportunities to show and be Actionable Love in the life I've been given.  For me, this has been, through this process of illness, a giant challenge, especially on days I couldn't leave my bed.  But some days, even those days, I am learning it is possible. (I'll eventually get around to doing a post about that which focuses on varieties of Reconciliation that I put down on paper at this same conference.) Either way, it is an internal and external action, a choice, and the results are tangible and compelling, and I don't need a pew to see them. Also, as a personal point of preference, I've yet to find, sit, or sleep on a pew I would actually deem comfortable, so I kinda like that the Jesus Movement as Actionable Love doesn't necessarily include them.  Fine by me!

So, now, Actionable Love is my ever present "BIG" goal.  I've pretty much always been a planner and detail oriented.  I routinely make packing lists a month or more before actually leaving, and adding or eliminating or tweaking things bit by bit in between.  I like maps and schedules and time charts and order.  My illness, frankly, doesn't give a crap about any of that.  So I am, with God's help, currently trying to morph my type A-ness to focus less on planning, and more about goals.  Plans fail.  Goals don't fail unless you give up. Changing a goal isn't failure, it is simply re-prioritizing.  If I try to stick to a plan, I find it not working with my illness because the stress of maintaining a plan is so heavily steeped in time-consciousness.  Well, the good news is that my goals aren't, and because of my faith, I'm not.  My goal of Actionable Love calls me to commit myself to reconciliation and evangelism, to work to bring myself closer to a life like Jesus, as Bishop Curry said in the video.  And the best part is, because of the eternal life promised through the miracle in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth, there is literally zero possibility of me running out of time to be reconciled to God and the whole of Creation through God.  So if today my illness tries to keep me from some goals, I will have tomorrow, and if I don't have tomorrow, it isn't really my problem then anyways.

And now that you've gotten through the proverbial good stuff that you likely came here to see after the title, I can tell you, despite all the writing above, that this illness is not nameless anymore.  I spent a solid hour inside an MRI machine, had my blood drawn for 14 different types of blood tests, and now have a doctor's assessments on all the results.  According to all those tests, I am, most shockingly, completely normal.  Not. One. Thing. You know, except the days and weeks of pain that brought me to tears. And days where my energy crashed so fast I would fall asleep before I could even put down my phone (and I'm a millennial, so that thing is pretty darned sacred to me, also my main connection to family and friends while here).  But, yeah, nothing...which, it turns out is the signal for something after all.  Fibromyalgia. A lifetime illness with no definitive known cause or cure, invisible to most, and often debilitating to those afflicted.  They aren't really sure what brings it on initially or for "flares", except to say that stress is an evident factor.  Me??? Stressed??? HA! So yes, life lesson for those out there: Moving to another continent where you don't know the language, or any people, completely by yourself, for a job you aren't completely sure you know how to do, is apparently a possible cause of stress.

But I feel like, especially now that I know its name, I have more hope, and a lot more stubbornness to fight.  And I think that, in light of what changes this has caused to me already on a personal and ideological level, that it could very well be seen as mixed curse and blessing.  The anxiety component of my bipolar disorder already made me stress about things more than the average person, and sometimes seems to invent stressors where none actually exist.  Now I have a second issue that will take that stress and manifest it in strong physically felt ways.  So, when mind and body are both rather busted, my tricycle turns into a unicycle and my only wheel to go forward on is spirit; and that's probably not such a bad deal after all.  God knows I'm totally stubborn enough to need this large literal reminder to invest and maintain the health of my faith.  So I'll start where I am, and continue from here.

Thanks to all of you on the other end of this who have expressed support, understanding, sympathy, and compassion.

Now on to all the pictures from life since the last picture post, and a bunch from the GEMN conference! It's a LOT since it's everything since Easter!!

Singing for the Easter service

 Easter Communion

I (and google translate) worked very hard to convert all these lyrics!!

The church parking lot and beyond is the weekly street fair!
Sometimes ice cream or cotton candy vendors will wait in the entry
for the kids to come out of service. 

 My first lesson, before I got sick, for the older afternoon students.  I was told my assignment and questions were WAY too hard.  That's a rep I'm okay with, because most of them rose to the challenge.

After being sick, but still thinking it was only temporary, I volunteered to make lunch for the team.  I went with traditional US style BBQ with pulled pork sandwiches, potato salad, tomato-cucumber vinegar salad, and homemade snickerdoodles a la mode.  Even with most of this being prepped at home in advance, this day turned out to be pushing my limits too far, and I paid the price the next few days with not being able to walk.

But at least it was yummy!

 A celebratory mass with all the clergy of the diocese of Brasilia (yup, that's it!).

And later, an afternoon of bingo as a fundraiser for a big event coming up in July.  It was a good chance to hang out with friends, and practice my numbers in Portuguese!  I also won a cool painting from Cuba, and the grand prize of an electric water kettle! Which has been great while sick to quickly make tea and (between washes) pasta without waiting so long for water to boil on the gas stovetop.

My prize on the far left.  I call this area my breakfast and beverage
station in my kitchen. Coffee maker, mugs, coffee, sugar, and biscoitos
all right there and ready to go!

 And while we're at it, here are the "before" pictures of my classroom and home

   

This seemed a very appropriate doormat for a computer teacher.
And there is half of my kitchen! The door on the right end is the pantry.

 Here's the long view of the kitchen, and out the back door.  There is a laundry area behind the partial wall, and out the door is a covered porch with drying lines.  Beyond the porch is a patio where there are trees that grow guava, limão, and mango, along with another covered area with a churrasco, counter, and sink for barbecues!  I've been very blessed!

 I keep my sending gift from the community in Illinois, a stone bearing Jeremiah 29:11, next to a wooden box painted with the Anglican cathedral in Pelotas, Brazil that was (originally filled with regional candied fruits) part of my gift in secret santa for Christmas here.

 Above them, at basically the center of the main wall of the living area, there was a nail where I hung my icon that was a gift from my friends and coworkers at Holy Innocents.

 Here's the view from the porch down to the patio.

 Of COURSE there are penguins! This one sits on top of my little fridge and next to the stove to hold cold/hot items.

 This is my street, my little yellow house, and a nearby corner on the way to work.






              Below is the view off the end of the road where I work.  Because this is the plateau region, most of the edges of the neighborhood are just steep drops.

 

An "after" view of my classroom, complete with my youngest
students.  I think we're gonna need some booster seats!

This is from this week, as I've finally been doing well enough to get to and from work, and not facing so much insurmountable pain, or sudden onset fatigue (I fell asleep against a wall one day, )

I spent Mother's day next store, with the bishop and his family here.  There was LOTS of lasagna, and I brought brownies.  His apron says "Ask not what your Diocese can do for you, but what you can do for your Diocese" and is from the companion diocese of Indianapolis. The other picture of the bishop is from the Sunday of Pentecost.  The Olympic Torch is currently making its way around Brazil, and much like the fires of Pentecost, this flame is also a way to unite people all over the world regardless of language barriers.  Later, the evening of Pentecost, I headed to the airport to leave for the Global Episcopal Mission Network conference in PR.  I left my house at 6pm Brazil time and finally got to the hotel at around 5pm EDT (6pm in Brazil) the next day.

Who said all airline food was bad???

I landed in Miami, had to go through customs, collect my luggage, and go back through security to head right by 3 gates away from where I started, but luckily there was a 5 hour layover.  Being in Miami was emotionally difficult (as well as just being exhausted from my red eye) because I was only an hour's flight away from home and my family, but couldn't see them at all after 6 months apart and with another 6 ahead.  Luckily I was on the same flight to Puerto Rico as Bryan. He's the YASCer I've spent the most time with throughout this experience because 1. he's from the closest sending diocese (Puerto Rico) and 2. He's in the closest placement to me in Rio.  Also, he's just awesome and fun to hang out with.  So we waited for the cafes in the airport to open and had a

Port-añol-ish conversation (since he understands Spanish, English, and Portuguese as well) to the obvious confusion of all the folks waiting in the same place for a flight to Chicago.  Once everything opened, I totally took advantage of the Express Spa in the terminal and got a mani-pedi with a foot massage. Aaaaahhhhh! Also breakfast!

Once we landed in Puerto Rico (and I remembered what humidity was like...yuck) we set about finding our group to meet up with the shuttle from San Juan airport across the island to Ponce, where the conference and hotels were.  Sorry the second picture is sideways, I keep telling it to flip, but it isn't listening.  The beautiful blonde next to me, though, is the FIRST Rachel as a YASCer in Brazil who I was SOOOOO excited to finally meet in person after over a year since our first Skype.  Her placement is down in Santa Maria and Erachim in the state of Rio Grande do Sul, along the southern border, so it's not like we'd ever just bump into each other back in our placements.

 I had dinner right on the water that first night, and had stocked my hotel room with boatloads (or suitcase loads) of Brazilian candies to share.  Then I got to start the conference and embrace my churchnerd-iness.

Puerto Rico really was a very beautiful place!

Karen (a long term missionary from DSWFL to the Dominican Republic) and I with Bishop Curry

 This is a (fairly blurry) photo of all the missionaries placed in Brazil right now with Presiding Bishop Curry.  I think if you look on facebook, someone else posted a not-blurry version.  Either way, I tried to fit in by minimizing my height (also, I don't think Bishop Curry could have gotten his arm on my shoulder if I stood up straight in heels)

There was a very elegant dinner on the second night in the city center of Ponce. We got a group picture of all the YASC missionaries at the conference that were placed in Latin America and the Caribbean this year. From left to right (sending diocese/placement):

James F (Hawaii/Panamá), Kate (Virginia/Costa Rica), Elly(North Carolina/Panamá), Emilie (Mississippi/Honduras), Bishop Curry, James G (Los Angeles/El Salvador), Bryan (Puerto Rico/Rio de Janeiro), Eliza (North Carolina/Haiti), and me (Southwest Florida/Brasília)

On the last night, there was dinner hosted at the Episcopal Hospital. I grabbed pictures with 2/3rds of the Jameses in our YASC year. The 3rd is placed in Kobe, Japan so he didn't come to this conference.

Also at the dinner the second night, YASCer Elly taught Bishop Curry to salsa dance!

Before the conference, I had gotten a full spinal MRI done to try and figure out my illness.  While the orthopedist couldn't find the source for any of my issues, at the very least, after sitting in the loud tube with a cage over my head and a weighted vest from shoulder to hip for an hour, I have actual proof the (despite what my sister always claimed) I do, indeed, have a brain.

Since I've been back, I've gotten to celebrate birthdays.

This was a celebration after a midweek service for the birthday of Ruty who is not only an active member of the church and a great mom and wife, but also one of the Christian Education teachers at the center.

 I've shared some caipirinhas with friends.  It's the national drink of Brazil, made with lime juice, sugar, and cachaça, and rimmed with salt.  Cachaça is a Brazilian liquor made from sugarcane alcohol.

Áurea celebrated her 3rd birthday with us at the center.  Her father is a member of the clergy in the diocese, and I met her family originally since they attend services at the cathedral in the city.

She was so excited to have so many people there (all our students) to celebrate with.  And everyone was excited for hotdogs, soda, cake, and candy!

I also got to hang out a bit with her little sister, Elisabeth.  She's really getting to be a fast walker, and loves to show off all TWO of her teeth!

Also, Brazilian avocados are ENORMOUS!  So if you have any good recipes BESIDES guacamole, I think I could definitely use them. 

Last weekend, there was a church retreat about an hour and a half away from my neighborhood.  I was really beautiful (and there was no cell service most of the time!)

 The camp we all stayed at had a nice pool and 2 kiddie pools which were well enjoyed.

I made a whole handful of a friend when she wouldn't follow her mom out of the road as the cars started heading that way.  Her eyes were SUPER blue, and she was quite the snuggler, but she needs to stay with momma a bit longer, and I've been told I'm not allowed to bring any cats back to Florida because the cat that is already in charge of my parents' house wouldn't like competition

Brazilian churrasco is really a serious business. I really can't keep up.

 There was also time to hang out, and the camp had foosball, ping pong, and pool tables, plus a lot of places to just sit and talk.

Sunday service was held at the camp too.  And I played a couple songs with the band.

 This is a picture I snuck of my friend Daiane.  She probably won't be happy with me if she sees it here, but I think it is good.  She is also my neighbor, and the church member closest in age to me (that's still single and doesn't have a kid). We have spent quite a bit of time together and talk about all sorts of things.  She's usually the one I go to when I don't understand a slang word or phrase or I have a question about whom is related to whom or about the history of this community.

This is a picture of Rev Luciano.  He's the Priest at the church here in Pedregal, and he and his family have been absolutely amazing hosts to me.  I can't imagine what I ever would have done without them.

 The kitchen crew for the weekend were total rockstars!  The food was awesome, and I know they had to sacrifice a lot of time the rest of us spent in sessions or hanging out in order for us to eat so well.

And to the right is Eliza, who was just so stinkin cute that I had to get a picture!










Also, if you missed my live Q&A video on Thursday evening, it's available on YouTube! I'll warn you, it's about an hour and a half long as I answered all the questions that were sent in, but I'm told they were questions that a lot of people have been asking my family back home, so I'd bet they might have crossed your mind too.  If you watch and you think I missed something, or you're curious on a topic I never covered, feel free to send in more questions via the "Contact Me" section on the Right of the blog, or via social media if you're already connected with me there.  I'm happy to do more such videos as long as there's interest!