How do I look?
As we approach the holiday of Easter, so many females are pondering their big question: What do I wear? It shouldn't be the biggest thought we have about the greatest miracle of all time, but for so many of all ages, it really is thought #1 regarding this holiday.
I realized at a very young age that I would likely never fit the typical definition of "pretty". Even in my ballet and dance classes, where beauty is paramount and grace is the goal, I felt less than acceptable. It usually came back to the factor of my size. Even at age 3, I was so much bigger than my friends and dance classmates that whenever we tried to play a game of leapfrog in warm-ups, many of the girls would literally get stuck trying to hop over me. I'm not even kidding. They tried, they couldn't, and they often ended up face planting into the back of my tucked down head. It was mortifying. Eventually, they just let the little girls skip me by walking around. Not any better for my self esteem, in case you were wondering, but there were fewer bruises.
This was hardly the final incident of mortification in congruence with not fitting the typical "female" paradigm in terms of build. In addition, I rarely even liked the stereotyped "girly" activities either. I loved my legos, basketball, and math. So I hung out with, acted like, and fit in with mainly boys for quite a while. Through it all, I constantly struggled with teasing from peers in addition to my constant self doubts and lack of confidence in my label as a "girl". I never felt like I was truly a "boy" (and I can't imagine what these kinds of struggles are like for those who truly don't identify as their physical gender assignment), but I never could figure out why I, as a female, wasn't good enough just being me. If what I am is a girl, then shouldn't everything I am be "girly" by definition?
Our culture places so much importance for girls on a word: Pretty. When we compliment little girls, we talk of how cute, pretty, adorable they and their apparel are. Rarely do girls take pride in their labels of "smart", "athletic", "funny", or "kind". Our culture tends to state "If you're not pretty, you're not worth it." It's a standard that is clearly visible, and only broadens as we age, because, as important as it is to be a pretty little girl, being considered pretty or beautiful in high school, college, and adult life not only effects self esteem, it influences social status, who we marry/date, what jobs we get, and is used in split second evaluations by strangers to determine if we're even worthy of meeting.
Luckily, I was able to realize in high school and college (although I get sucked back into the "pretty" trap often enough still) that there are SOOOOOOO many better things to be than pretty.
I realized at a very young age that I would likely never fit the typical definition of "pretty". Even in my ballet and dance classes, where beauty is paramount and grace is the goal, I felt less than acceptable. It usually came back to the factor of my size. Even at age 3, I was so much bigger than my friends and dance classmates that whenever we tried to play a game of leapfrog in warm-ups, many of the girls would literally get stuck trying to hop over me. I'm not even kidding. They tried, they couldn't, and they often ended up face planting into the back of my tucked down head. It was mortifying. Eventually, they just let the little girls skip me by walking around. Not any better for my self esteem, in case you were wondering, but there were fewer bruises.
This was hardly the final incident of mortification in congruence with not fitting the typical "female" paradigm in terms of build. In addition, I rarely even liked the stereotyped "girly" activities either. I loved my legos, basketball, and math. So I hung out with, acted like, and fit in with mainly boys for quite a while. Through it all, I constantly struggled with teasing from peers in addition to my constant self doubts and lack of confidence in my label as a "girl". I never felt like I was truly a "boy" (and I can't imagine what these kinds of struggles are like for those who truly don't identify as their physical gender assignment), but I never could figure out why I, as a female, wasn't good enough just being me. If what I am is a girl, then shouldn't everything I am be "girly" by definition?
Our culture places so much importance for girls on a word: Pretty. When we compliment little girls, we talk of how cute, pretty, adorable they and their apparel are. Rarely do girls take pride in their labels of "smart", "athletic", "funny", or "kind". Our culture tends to state "If you're not pretty, you're not worth it." It's a standard that is clearly visible, and only broadens as we age, because, as important as it is to be a pretty little girl, being considered pretty or beautiful in high school, college, and adult life not only effects self esteem, it influences social status, who we marry/date, what jobs we get, and is used in split second evaluations by strangers to determine if we're even worthy of meeting.
Luckily, I was able to realize in high school and college (although I get sucked back into the "pretty" trap often enough still) that there are SOOOOOOO many better things to be than pretty.
This is me. And this is me wearing one of my favorite dresses. It is not usually considered "fashionable" as defined by pop culture. I don't even know if it is the dress that makes me look my best. This dress, however, always makes me feel something other than pretty when I wear it. Competent. Proud. Capable. Skilled.
This dress has earned me these adjectives, because this dress is one I made myself. I remember the lessons I was given by my Godmother and one of her dear friends in following patterns, choosing fabrics, and properly fitting the work-in-progress to my exact shape. I remember the days we spent together doing all this, and I love that I get to keep those memories much longer than a stranger's compliment.
Loving. Peaceful. Diligent. Faithful. Honest. Kind. Resourceful. Respectful. Compassionate. Unique. Creative. Open Minded. Patient. Adaptable. Level Headed. Inquisitive. Confident. Supportive. Content. Satisfied.
In addition to the first 4 mentioned, these are all much better words to strive for than "pretty". In my opinion, these are great goals for anyone, of any age, gender, physical disposition, or background. If these are our primary goals as we interact with children and raise the next generation, maybe one day the only logical answer to the questions "How do I look?" will be: "With your eyes."
One of my favorite of your posts so far.
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